If I have learned one thing from working as a coach, it’s this:
We all have different goals in life — but we are all held back by the same few things.
Specifically, it is three addictions that keep us from achieving:
- Carb addiction
- Consumerism
- Media addiction
You might be reading this and think I am being dramatic:
Is eating a bowl of noodles really that big of a deal?
Is buying a new pair of sneakers really going to derail me?
Is checking my Instagram really going to mess up my life?
I would probably have had the same reaction in the past. But talk to enough people (in my case, coaching clients), and you start to see the pattern. Virtually all of us are slaves to these three vices.
We Are in Denial
We don’t acknowledge these addictions, even though they wreak havoc on our lives. There are three reasons for that.
1. “But everybody is doing it”
The first reason is plausible deniability. At this point, virtually anybody in the West eats a lot of carbs, constantly buys stuff, and consumes tons of media.
Our thinking goes: “If everybody is doing it, it can’t be an addiction.”
2. “But we have always done this”
Another reason is our lack of historical perspective. We think these activities are acceptable because, seemingly, they have been around forever.
Already, our parents ate carbs, bought stuff, and went to the movies. So did our grandparents (more radio than movies for them, but you get my point).
The truth is — these addictions are very recent inventions. Even if we just consider the current iteration of humans — Homo sapiens — for almost 300,000 years, none of these vices were available; at least not in their modern, hyper-addictive form. There were no donuts, no denim jeans, and no Dancing with the Stars.
3. “But it feels so good”
The final nail in the coffin is our genetics. We are hardwired to crave these addictions.
As hunter-gatherers, we didn’t have the hyper-addictive variants, but we had mild predecessors. And when we encountered those, it made sense to indulge.
For example, if you got your hands on some wild honey, you would stuff your face, and for good reason. It gave you a caloric buffer to fall back upon during hard times.
In the same way, having a few tools and weapons increased your chances of survival. You could build better shelters and retrieve more food.
Finally, telling each other stories around the campfire made us come together as a tribe. This sense of unity was crucial, e.g., when facing predators.
So, unlike modern drugs, these addictions are not random indulgences. They have grown out of evolutionary necessities. We are still feeling their primal pull.
A Closer Look
Let’s take a look at each of these addictions, and why they are so destructive.
1. Carb Addiction
This first addiction coincides with the first major disruptor in human history — the Agricultural Revolution.
For the longest time, about 300,000 years, Homo sapiens lived as hunter-gatherers. We ate what we could kill or find in the wild.
What we were not doing was farming. Thus, most staples of the Western diet — bread, noodles, sweets, alcohol, junk food — were not available to us.
What did we eat then? Primarily meat and vegetables. That was it.
Not surprisingly, there was no obesity crisis. It is virtually impossible to grow fat on non-processed meat and non-starchy vegetables, even if you stopped moving completely (I have tried).
Then, only a short 10,000 years ago (historically speaking, yesterday), we started to settle down and grow crops. That was the beginning of the end. Fast-forward to the new millennium and about 74 percent of all Americans are overweight or obese.
A plethora of illnesses go along with that:
- Cardiovascular diseases
- Type 2 diabetes
- Cancer
- Joint disorders
- Sleep apnea
- Mental health issues
These consequences we are aware of — even though most of us still downplay them.
But there are also less obvious consequences — and now I want to circle back to my coaching clients.
This is what I observe: My clients go to their 9 to 5s, which, like everybody, they hate. To compensate for this misery, they indulge. A box of donuts in the morning. A cheeseburger meal for lunch. A frozen meal of macaroni and cheese at night.
On the weekends, they add alcohol to the mix. And what do you order on a hung-over Sunday? A family pizza.
Of course, this is not just my clients. It is all of us. We are oscillating back and forth between extremes — sugar high, sugar crash, ad nauseam.
Is it any wonder that we struggle with achieving anything besides work? We remain stuck in our middle-class lives because of this energetic instability.
There is no stable ground to launch from.
2. Consumer Goods Addiction
This second addiction coincides with the second major disruptor in human history — the Industrial Revolution.
Hunter-gatherers didn’t own anything beyond what they could carry. Every human was originally an extreme minimalist.
This first started to change when we settled down to farm the land. When you stay in one place, you can accumulate more stuff; you don’t need to schlep it around.
However, this didn’t get too out of control for a while. Think of the American settlers and their log cabins — that was still a rather minimalist setup.
The real downfall happened in the late 18th century, with the Industrial Revolution in Britain. Suddenly, we were able to produce goods at a never-before-known scale.
And guess what? If factory owners can produce more, they will try to sell you more. And so consumerism was born.
In a short 250 years or so, it completely took over. At this point, our whole existence is about gaining buying power. Every other system — the education system, the corporate career ladder, and even our mating choices — serves this purpose.
Buying stuff is our response to everything:
Feeling down? You buy yourself a new dress.
Feeling bored? You buy yourself a video game.
Feeling cocky? You buy yourself a sports car.
“I buy, therefore I am” — that is the axiom of modern life.
But as good as it feels in the moment, in the long term, it is killing us.
Consumerism keeps us stuck, and it does so through the vicious cycle of consumption. Here is what that looks like:
After a sucky work week, you want nothing more but to treat yourself. So you go to that expensive restaurant. You buy yourself that new iPhone. You book that extravagant weekend trip.
As a result, we end up chained to our 9 to 5 even more; we got to pay for all of these indulgences, after all. So, more work. More frustrations. And more consumerism to make up for it.
Wash, rinse, repeat.
By giving in to our consumerist reflexes, we dig our own holes. And the longer we keep doing so, the harder it becomes to get out of that hole.
3. Media Addiction
This third addiction coincides with the third major disruptor in human history — the digital revolution.
Of course, there were non-digital types of media available before the internet came along. Radio became mass media in the 1920s. Television followed in the 1950s.
But the internet made a big difference. Namely, it allowed for the democratization of media. With digital platforms, anybody can share their ideas now.
That’s good news for people like me, who enjoy creating content. It’s bad news for media consumers. Just like the surplus of consumer goods led to consumerist addiction, the surplus of information led to widespread media addiction.
I should clarify what I mean by “media addiction:”
- Excessive social media use
- Excessive Netflix consumption
- Excessive video gaming
- Excessive news consumption
- Excessive porn consumption
This begs the question of what “excessive” entails.
I would argue — any media use that keeps you from achieving your goals in life is excessive. Let’s say you spend 1–2 hours a day consuming content — that equals 7–14 hours you are wasting per week.
It is the 7–14 hours you would need to escape your 9 to 5.
It is the 7–14 hours you would need to fix your health
It is the 7–14 hours you would need to create better romantic options for yourself.
That’s sabotaging yourself and thus excessive.
Now, how much time does the average American actually spend on consuming media?
Better take a seat.
For 2024, most studies agree on an average of about 8 hours of digital media consumption — per day.
The average time spent on traditional media according to most studies is about 4 hours — per day.
So, we roughly spend 12 hours per day consuming media. You can’t help but wonder when we get any work done, not to mention work on our life goals.
Do you still think I am exaggerating when I say that these addictions, and in particular media addiction, are killing us?
We keep giving into them, until suddenly, life is over.
Of the three, media addiction is the worst. It is the ultimate dream crusher. There are three reasons for that.
The first reason, as mentioned, is time. With work and family commitments, you have little time as it is. Add media addiction, and you won’t get around to anything else.
The second reason is patience. Humans are not very patient to start with, but social media has taken this flaw to a new level. We now expect instant gratification or swipe on.
In real life, though, anything worthwhile requires patience:
- Building a business requires patience
- Building a strong body requires patience
- Learning a new skill, like playing an instrument, requires patience
If you are a social media junkie, conditioned to chase the quick high, you stand little chance of achieving such goals.
The final reason why social media is the dream killer — it cripples your awareness.
Social media prevents what I call a meditative approach to life. By being glued to our screens, we stop appreciating the input we get from the world:
The taste of that apple on your tongue.
The feeling of the sun on your skin.
The other person’s smile, their delight.
This might sound like hippie nonsense, but it is not. Social media addicts cannot cherish the world anymore, not in the same way as non-addicts. What they get back from the world is not “sweet” enough to keep them interested.
The best example is porn addiction. Why go to a bar and talk to an average-looking stranger if you can “hook up” with a stunner by the click of a mouse button?
Social media addicts cannot be bothered anymore. Why push for your goals when the rewards feel so shallow?
How These 3 Reinforce Each Other
Here is a typical day in the life of most people.
You wake up in the morning and the first thing you do is reach for your phone. For 10–20 minutes, you soak up the negativity online — the wars, the drama, and the gossip.
Now, your emotional battery has already been depleted. So, instead of choosing a healthy option, you get a Frappuccino and a bagel. Your first carb high of the day.
You start work and, surprise, it still sucks as much as yesterday. So, you lock yourself in the bathroom and take a Twitter break. More drama, more emotional drain.
Finally, it’s lunchtime. Already dreading the second half of your work day, you decide to treat yourself to an all-you-can-eat pizza buffet.
More pointless work, more social media consumption, more accompanying snacks. Maybe a fight or two with your boss to top it off.
No wonder that on your drive home, you decide to get yourself something nice. You always wanted a designer skateboard, didn’t you? Well, tonight is the night.
While you browse Amazon for options, Netflix is playing in the background, and you are sipping a craft beer. Now, that’s better. Finally, some time to kick back.
Later, though, when you lie in bed, you wonder to yourself, “Where did the day go?” You keep scrolling your Instagram feed for an hour past your bedtime anyway.
In the morning, you feel like crap. Not enough sleep and this base level of anxiety. You need something to distract you. So, you reach for your phone — and the cycle starts anew.
What I want you to notice is the interconnectedness. Addiction begets addiction. Give into one, and you will likely give into the others. When you do, nothing changes.
You must quit, and you must quit them all.
Get Ready for the Pain
Quitting is a major undertaking, and it’s not fun. Here is what you can expect.
Carb Withdrawal
When quitting carbs, there will be a rough transitional period, what people refer to as the low-carb flu. You might experience headaches, dizziness, cramps, etc. And of course, for a while, you will crave nothing more than a slice of cake.
The second pain is logistical.
Our world is not optimized for carb-free eating, even with the paleo and the keto diet being somewhat popular at the moment. Go to any restaurant, order a keto meal, and tell me you are not still hungry afterward.
So, you are now required to cook your meals at home, which is a pain in the neck.
Finally, there is the social challenge. We like to meet up with others for food. And if everybody around you is eating burgers and pizza, it’s hard not to cave.
The worst is social drinking. People will try to coax you into joining, and you’ll have to keep saying “No” — or not attend in the first place. Either option stinks.
Consumerism Withdrawal
Quitting consumerism is even tougher.
For starters, most people have the wrong notion of what quitting consumerism means. They think it’s buying two new pairs of shorts instead of three.
If you are serious about quitting consumerism, it means living with the bare minimum. Where most people own tens of thousands of physical items, you might own fewer than 100. I refer to this as extreme minimalism.
I know how off-putting this sounds. Parting with our stuff feels like violence. That is how deeply our identities are intertwined with our possessions.
Also, the things you own are an indicator of your success. If you own a beach villa and an Italian sports car, you made it. If you live in an empty studio apartment and wear the same clothes every day, you must be a failure.
Finally, we use consumerism to self-medicate. Whenever we experience emotional discomfort, instead of dealing with it, we go and buy ourselves a new toy. Consumerism is a way to paint over the holes in our souls.
Media Withdrawal
This is the toughest one.
Media addicts are similar to alcohol or drug addicts. Like them, they are chasing an instant dopamine high.
The underlying reason — what happens on our screens is so much more exciting than our mundane existences. The TV shows we watch, with all their action and drama. The influencers we follow, how they revel in fame and riches.
Where our existences are dull and predictable, what happens on-screen is fresh and exciting. Of course, we want that.
If you quit social media, you give up watching the adventurous lives of others. Now, if you want excitement, you need to build an adventurous life for yourself. That’s a lot of work.
There is also a social challenge. It concerns one type of media — the news. If you don’t keep up to date with the latest wars and scandals, the people around you will not be amused. They will shame you as “apolitical” and “self-centered.”
Practical Tips for Quitting
Facing these odds, quitting might seem like a pointless endeavor. Why put yourself through so much pain and adversity?
The answer — there is no alternative. If you want an exciting, non-ordinary life, you must refuse the vices that everybody else succumbs to. This way, you free up time and energy, which you can then redirect to building the life of your dreams.
And it’s worth it, a hundred times over. It’s not just that it’s deeply gratifying to see yourself making progress toward your goals. It is also the sense of agency. You are not a plaything of your environment — you are in charge of your destiny.
Here is how you get there.
Ideas for Kicking Carbs
The first thing to understand — not all carbs are equally bad; there is a spectrum.
Bad:
- Alcohol (beer, cocktails, liqueurs)
- Soft drinks
- Sweets
- Junk food
Not great:
- Fruit juices (high in sugar)
- White carbs (bread, pasta, cereals)
- Whole grain carbs
Tolerable:
- Rice
- Boiled potatoes
Ideally, you would cut out all carbs. Often, that is not realistic, though. Many people are too addicted to go cold turkey.
Also, it is quite expensive to cut all carbs. And/or inconvenient if you start cooking all of your meals at home.
Ultimately, it’s a personal decision. If you want to get the maximum benefits, eat a strict no-carb diet. I did this to close for 10 years and never felt better.
If you want to go down this road, here is what you should do:
- Talk to your friends and family. Let them know that this project is important to you and that you expect them to support you; not tempt you or make fun of you.
- Throw out all carbs you have at home (or donate them). To eat carbs, you will now have to leave the house, or at least wait for the delivery service to arrive.
- For variety, learn to cook a few delicious no-carb meals. Also, batch cook and freeze meals, so you can eat healthy even when you don’t feel like cooking.
- Come up with ideas for fun things to do on a Saturday night, that don’t involve getting drunk at the bar with your friends.
- Fully expect that the first 2–4 weeks will be tough. Hence, don’t schedule any willpower-demanding tasks during that time.
If you don’t want to cut all carbs, here is an alternative. It’s what I call the “damage control diet:”
- Zero alcohol
- No sugar
- No white carbs, except:
- Rice
- Boiled potatoes
You still get most of the benefits of a no-carb diet but don’t need to cook every meal at home. Virtually any restaurant will serve you rice or boiled potatoes as a side.
Also, rice and boiled potatoes are as bland as white carbs get. It is difficult to overeat them.
Finally, you won’t experience low-carb flu symptoms. That means you can implement the “damage control diet” even during more stressful times in your life.
Ideas for Kicking Consumerism
There are two approaches to kicking consumerism.
One is what I call the slow-and-steady approach. Every day, you throw away one physical thing you own — more if you feel like it.
Obviously, this is not a fast process. Most of us have accumulated tens of thousands of items over decades. Even assuming that on some days, you exceed your quota, it might take you years to get rid of your stuff.
There is an alternative approach. Get a bunch of moving boxes. Now pick 50–100 things that you can’t live without and put them in one or two boxes. Put these boxes apart from the rest. These are your “to keep” boxes.
Now package up everything else in the remaining boxes. Only stop when your apartment is empty. Seal up these boxes with parcel tape. These are your “to toss” boxes.
Now practice living as an extreme minimalist for a month. Don’t buy anything new during that time, except for food and personal hygiene articles.
If, after a month, you are still feeling good about this lifestyle, throw away your “to toss” boxes. Congrats — you are now one of the few anti-consumers in the West. You have successfully quit the “game.”
Be vigilant, though. Even if you see the experiment through, there is still a good chance that you might relapse. To prevent that, regularly count your belongings, e.g., once a month, and compare numbers with the previous months.
Ideas for Kicking Media Addiction
With media, since it’s so addictive, I always recommend a step-by-step approach.
Start very small, with little no-media windows throughout your day; then work your way up.
Here are some ideas:
- Don’t check anything digital (social media, news, emails) for 30 minutes after waking up. Set yourself an alarm to make sure you don’t kid yourself.
- Check your socials and your email no more than 3 times a day. If there is a crisis, you can make an exception. But even then, you don’t check any other messages in your inbox until your next “official” check-in.
- Limit your social media time. Try apps that automatically block you after a certain time.
- Restrict your Netflix time to the subway or other “dead time,” e.g., when you have to wait at the doctor’s office.
To succeed with these new behaviors, you need someone to hold you accountable. This could be a friend, a virtual accountability buddy, or a coach.
This will make all the difference. There is a reason why 12-step programs make use of “sponsors,” i.e., friendly watchdogs. You need someone looking over your shoulder.
You also want to think about healthy alternatives for idling. When you can’t reach for your phone every time you feel bored, what do you do instead? Here are some ideas:
- Go for a walk
- Go for a swim
- Do people-watching
- Read a classic (technically media, but much less addictive)
- Work out
- Stretch
- Have a meaningful conversation with a friend
- Start a conversation with a stranger
- Meditate
- Have sex
I want to make one important differentiation. Creating content is not the same as consuming content. One requires discipline, a quality that most people struggle with. The other only requires a desire for novelty; nobody struggles with that.
So, by all means, become a creator. Build your personal brand, build your business. But if you are not creating, be away from all screens.
What Results You Will Enjoy
Ironically, in the short, run, kicking these habits will make you less productive, not more productive.
If you have eaten carbs all your life, and then quit, for a few weeks, you won’t feel great. Low-carb flu is real.
If you go on shopping sprees to paint over personal issues, guess what? These problems will now come back to bite you in the butt.
And if you get your dopamine highs from social media, going cold turkey will drive you up the wall. I have witnessed people having panic attacks after quitting.
This period has to be endured. It has to get worse before it gets better.
Eventually, though, it will get better. A lot better.
The energy previously penned up in your addictions will now be freed up. A re-channeling takes place. If you can’t distract yourself anymore, you can’t help but zoom in on your goals. The energy has to go somewhere.
These productive phases will alternate with phases of “healthy laziness.” Now, when you are running low on energy, you choose truly recharging activities. You go on a walk, meditate, or work out. These healthy idle times prepare you for your next bout of productive time.
It is a wonderful way to live. You continuously witness yourself making progress with your goals, and the more progress you make, the more fired up you become about them.
Yet, at the same time, you still have enough time to kick back and take life in. You can appreciate life, its sensory richness.
Through all of this, stress is mostly absent. When you can advance your self-chosen goals, while still being able to recharge, there is no reason to feel anxious.
A New Paradigm for Clarity
Going clean can do even more for you — it can help you figure out your life’s mission.
There is a common misconception in the self-help world: If you just find a goal that is inspiring enough — a big “Why” — all your bad habits will vanish.
Here is how this plays out. The “seeker” buys a bunch of materials — books, courses, community memberships, etc. — to “figure it out.” That is consumerism.
Then they watch ungodly amounts of YouTube videos, hoping to find the answer there. That is media consumption.
To take a break from their existential confusion, they go wild on the weekends, aka booze and junk food. That is carb addiction.
Do you see the problem here?
You don’t get away from your addictions by indulging your addictions even more. You don’t fight fire with fire.
Here is the “secret” to gaining clarity:
You get clarity by creating space in your life. Blank space that initially will drive you up the wall. Blank space that brings all your doubts and delusions to the forefront of your mind.
It’s not a great place to be in, but it’s a phase that has to be passed.
Then, slowly, you become comfortable being uncomfortable. You learn to tolerate the space.
At some point, since you have nothing else to do, you start conducting experiments:
- You start writing 500 words for that book idea of yours to see where it leads
- You start working out regularly to see the effect on your body
- You talk to attractive strangers to see how they react to you
- You start traveling the world to see if you enjoy it
Often, these experiments will lead nowhere. For example, you might love the idea of being a globetrotter but don’t enjoy the reality of it.
That is perfectly fine.
You are simply collecting data points. And the more you do so, the more you gain a sense of who you truly are. Slowly, a direction emerges.
And with direction, the existential anxiety vanishes. You do not need to plaster over the inner void with various addictions anymore. These addictions have lost their pull.
But you have to get the order right.
- You kick your addictions to create space
- Then you learn to endure that space
- Then you fill that space with lifestyle experiments
- In the end, you are rewarded with clarity
Be real with yourself — the addictions have to go first.